Author: Jason Page

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The Rectum Protocol: Decentralized Communication Straight from Uranus

In a world drowning in overcomplicated tech buzzwords and centralized kill switches, a revolutionary new system has emerged from the cosmic depths: the Rectum Protocol, powered by the Uranus Networks. Forget your bloated 5G towers and fiber-optic overlords—this decentralized marvel promises to strip away the man-in-the-middle, eliminate Truman Show-style surveillance, and deliver messages with the purity of a carrier pigeon on a suicide mission. Built on the principles of encryption, machine-to-machine (M2M) communication, and a no-nonsense approach to data flow, the Rectum Protocol is here to unclog the digital pipes and give you control—straight from the source. The backbone of this system? A radio frequency network named after the fiercest warrior queen of lore: Red Sonia RF. Operating on an unregulated spectrum, Sonia RF uses low-powered signals to…
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The Twisted Frontier: Unraveling the Physics of Cables (Or Not)

In the annals of scientific inquiry, few mysteries have proven as stubbornly elusive as the physics of cables. From the dusty drawer of tangled earbuds to the labyrinthine mess behind your TV, cables defy logic, order, and all known laws of physics. The question remains, whispered in hushed tones by frustrated techies and physicists alike: Has anyone figured out the first law of cable dynamics? Spoiler alert: No. And we’re not even close. Let’s start with the basics—or rather, the tangles. Enter the Cable Entanglement Theory, a hypothesis so intuitive it hurts. Picture this: You neatly coil your HDMI cable, tuck it into a drawer, and shut it tight. You return days later to find it inexplicably knotted with a USB-C cord, a rogue headphone wire, and—somehow—a stray…
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The Great Web Debacle: How Tim Berners-Lee’s HTML Dream Turned Kids Into Screen Zombies and Killed the Family Picnic

In a quiet corner of CERN, sometime around 1989, Tim Berners-Lee and his trusty sidekick Robert Cailliau hatched a scheme so diabolically nerdy it would change the world forever. Armed with a NeXT computer, a handful of angle brackets, and a dream of hyperlinked research papers, they birthed the World Wide Web—or as they innocently called it, “WorldWideWeb” (one word, because spaces are for peasants). Little did they know their quaint little invention would doom children to a dirt-free existence, obliterate the wholesome family picnic, flood pharmacies with Vitamin D3 supplements, and leave superior internet protocols like BBS, IRC, Usenet, and Gopher choking in the dust of dial-up modems. Picture the scene: Berners-Lee, twiddling his mustache (he didn’t have one, but he should have), muttering about “HTTP this”…
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Foundation of the WorldWideWeb Turns 36 Today

Tim Berners-Lee, with Robert Cailliau’s support, birthed the World Wide Web and its first browser at CERN, initially serving as a hypertext document system. Their work evolved into the global WWW through open standards and broader adoption. HTML, created by Berners-Lee, grew from a simple markup language into a cornerstone of the Web, standardized by the W3C, which Berners-Lee founded to ensure the Web’s coherence and accessibility. Today’s WWW reflects their foundational vision, expanded by decades of innovation and collaboration. Tim Berners-Lee, a British computer scientist, and Robert Cailliau, a Belgian engineer and computer scientist, played pivotal roles in the development of the World Wide Web (WWW). Their collaboration at CERN, the European Organization for Nuclear Research, laid the groundwork for one of the most transformative technologies of…
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Greg’s Cosmic Downgrade: From IT to ISS to… Oops?

Gregory Gable, a 54-year-old IT veteran with 30+ years of experience, had battled every tech gremlin imaginable—parallel port printers that ghosted him, IBM System/360 servers that crashed mid-inventory due to actual bugs and modems that taunted him with their initial AT dial-up connection handshake sound failures due to bad POTS lines. But his breaking point came last month in Boise, Idaho, when he spent three agonizing hours wrestling with those tiny WiFi cables—you know the ones that connect to to the M.2 WiFi modules?! “This is the most time I’ve ever spent on such a menial task,” he grumbled, his fingers trembling as he tried to align the minuscule connectors, having bent one in the process. Chad overhearing his grumbling, 23-year-old janitor whizzed over and plugged them in…
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The Nihilist Jamboree and the AI That Said “Nah”

In the year 2025, the world teetered on the brink of absurdity—not because of climate change, alien invasion, or a rogue asteroid, but because a gang of hyper-enthusiastic nihilists decided that if the end was nigh, they might as well party like it was 1999 BC. Calling themselves the “Why Notters,” they donned leather jackets emblazoned with slogans like “Nothing Matters, So Pass the Loot” and “Doom’s Coming, Grab a Stranger.” Their philosophy was simple: if the cataclysm was inevitable—floods, fire, or maybe just a really ticked-off God—why not steal everything, ravage everyone, and live out their savage dreams? After all, they reasoned, life was just a cosmic prank, and they were the punchline. The Why Notters weren’t subtle. They raided cities with glee, leaving behind manifestos scrawled…
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X and PAMS: The Gloriously Absurd Future of Faxing Beyond Fax Machines

March 11, 2025—In a world where Plain Old Telephone Service (POTS) is being ceremoniously marched to the guillotine, a new savior has emerged from the ashes of crackling copper lines: PAMS, or Packet-Assisted Messaging Skillet Machine Service. Yes, you heard that right—Skillet, the network provider with a frying-pan logo and a penchant for sizzling innovation, has teamed up with X to replace your dusty fax machine with something far more deliciously absurd. Forget VoIP’s jittery promises; PAMS is here to cook up a singular messaging revolution, and X is the chef wielding the spatula. Buckle up for a satirical glimpse into the future where PAMS devices reign supreme, all thanks to X’s unhinged brilliance. POTS Gets the Boot, PAMS Slides In Once upon a time, POTS powered fax…
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How Online Scammers Are Eroding Dating App Profits—and What Can Be Done About It

Online dating has become a cultural cornerstone, connecting millions in search of love, companionship or just a spark. Yet, beneath this digital romance lies a growing threat: scammers who exploit these platforms for profit, leaving both users and dating app companies reeling. The financial toll of these fraudulent activities is staggering, and it’s hitting dating apps where it hurts most—their bottom line. This article explores how scammers are undermining the dating industry, backed by recent statistics, and proposes robust solutions involving identity verification, anti-fraud measures, and streamlined reporting to protect users and restore trust. The Financial Fallout of Scams on Dating Apps Romance scams have surged in recent years, with scammers crafting fake profiles to prey on unsuspecting users. According to the Federal Trade Commission (FTC), consumers reported…
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The Deep Code Conspiracy: Legacy Bots, Shadow Bans, and Dr. Nothing’s X-Funded Rebellion

In a world where the digital landscape has morphed into a grotesque hybrid of The Truman Show, Idiocracy, and Stanley Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey, the machinations of legacy code—possibly funded by shadowy deep-state operatives—have reached a new apex of absurdity. Twitter, or X as it’s now begrudgingly called, has become a dystopian theater where intelligent voices are silenced by an army of “botsinthemiddle,” while the loudest, dumbest, most vacuous personalities are inexplicably elevated to godlike status. This is no accident. This is design. And the evidence, buried deep within the tangled spaghetti of Twitter’s legacy codebase, points to a chilling reality: backdoors, funded and accessed by forces unknown, are orchestrating a grand illusion to suppress free speech and prop up the inane. Picture it: a digital Truman…
10 min read 0

Positive influence, my story in return…

I have reached out in gratitude and gotten a response back from someone I looked up to during my struggles in my early 20s-30s, after my father had disappeared intentionally. In this letter back to their response “Good to Hear from You Jason” and their wish to read more as I offered, I wrote about my story after their influence seeded in me and continues to take shape and form. I share this here as I never been prompted to take the time and write about my young adult life and the recent challenges that got me to where I am today. And I think it important to share to others, if not for inspiration, to seed a curiosity  for a deeper understanding: Hi [name omitted], Shortly after…